ITEM: But first, a quick shout out to the world’s greatest living human being – the demigod Bruce Frederick Springsteen is 64 years old today.
Why has Hallmark not picked up on this occasion for public rejoicing? Why has the UN not declared a global public holiday?
ITEM: As somebody who can on occasion be almost OCD about personal hygiene (there are also times I simply don’t give a shit, but that’s a blog post for another day), I’m offended by those ‘Now Wash Your Hands’ notices you sometimes see in public toilets.
Why wouldn’t I wash my hands? What kind of person do you take me for?
On the other hand, as a keen observer of human behaviour, there are times when I think a ‘Now Wipe Your Arse’ sign on the inside of cubicle doors might not be entirely out of order.
ITEM: So, we’re lying there the morning after the night before, and she asks me what I’m thinking, and I tell her that I was wondering if the framed picture on the wall overhead happened to slip off its hook if it would cleanly decapitate whoever was lying underneath (this was her, not me) or simply bludgeon them unconscious.
I know what you’re thinking, and yes, you’re right – I’m not very good at this romance and relationship stuff.
ITEM: I saw a poster the other day for a wildlife charity that informed me we share 90% of our DNA with chimpanzees.
All that, and they want money as well. Some people are never satisfied.
ITEM: Our media seems to have developed a penchant for what’s becoming known as ‘poverty porn’, television programmes where smug rich gits with media savvy briefly pass through the lives of people existing on the breadline and comment condescendingly on their inability to thrive, with the subtext that it’s all their own damned fault for not being as clever, hard working and worthy as the rest of us.
Personally, I’d like to see some programmes coming at it from the other angle.
A homeless person getting to visit and pass comment on Lord Fraud’s two homes – ‘Strewth, guv. Wadya need eight bloody bedrooms for? It’s not like you have that many friends.’
Or a Foodbank client doing breakfast with Iain Duncan Doughnut – ‘Forty quid for a fry up!!! Christ, they saw you coming, didn’t they baldy?’
I shall work on my pitch to the BBC, as I really think this is an idea that has legs.
ITEM: Regular readers of this blog will know that I have an aversion to gardening. It seems like such a lot of hard work for so little reward.
Nevertheless, yesterday morning I did some hoeing, and after trying to remove a sweat soaked t-shirt at the end of it all I have a new appreciation of what Houdini accomplished with straitjackets.
Rock on, Harry!
ITEM: Should writers respond to negative reviews of their work? Probably not, but if you really can’t help yourselves then sending chocolate profiteroles or cherry brandy liqueurs would make me feel really, really bad about dissing your work.
ITEM: At the weekend I watched three films with the word ‘body’ in the title, and I’ll blog about them later this week, time permitting.
For the nonce, anybody want to take a stab at guessing what the films were? A no-prize to the first person to get all three.