ITEM: Spam continues to provide me with a whole lot of chuckles.
From somebody with the address ‘Potent penis promos’ I recently received an email with the Subject line ‘Get Hard now’, which in the circumstances would have been rather embarrassing, as I was on a computer in a public library at the time.
And so intriguing I almost opened it, was an email from ‘Unbelievable’ with the Subject line ‘Peter – You Have Been Paid’. Is my getting paid for something really that hard to credit?
ITEM: Copywriters are similarly pandering to my love of innuendo, as with a recent email that contained the lines ‘So small you hardly know it’s there. So fast you barely have to wait!’
I dare say from that copy nobody would guess the product being touted is a USB stick, though I guess when you do know the metaphor being used does make a little sense of it all.
ITEM: Recent conversation I have with The Actual Girlfriend (TAG):-
Me: I’ve noticed a fundamental difference between us. Your bathroom is filled with all sorts of potions and ointments, moisturisers and shower gels, but I don’t see any air fresheners at all. My bathroom at home doesn’t have any of these health and/or beauty products, but I do have three cans of air freshener.
TAG: Yeah, I guess I’d better get some now you’re staying over more often.
What can she be implying?
ITEM: Just when you think things can’t get any worse a sign appears in the chip shop window saying ‘Closed for Refurbishment’.
ITEM: I recently spotted a job advert for the role of ‘Senior Office Administrator’ with an independent funeral home.
What gave me pause was that the job board had filed it under the industry sector ‘Performing and Fine Arts’.
I guess nothing makes a funeral like a juggler.
ITEM: I’m bored with the election already, so it occurred to me we could maybe turn it into some form of reality TV. Perhaps replace it with a politicians only edition of Come Dine With Me, get the party leaders to take it in turns to host a dinner party for each other, doing their own cooking and laying on entertainment, then scoring themselves to see who did the best job and letting the winner run the country for the next five years.
Yeah, I know it’s impractical, and you’d have to take all sorts of precautions to make sure one of them didn’t poison the others, but at least it has the merit of being fun and cost effective, and as a bonus there is always the possibility somebody who is half decent might win.
As is we’ll just do what we normally do and give the job to the party with the deepest pockets, the politicians who tell the biggest lies and the worst scare stories, then spend the next five years moaning about what turds they all are.
That’s all folks!