ITEM: Okay, while slipping a condom over it may not be the best way to deal with a leaking tap, I have to admit that if you watch and wait for long enough it can get to be pretty amusing.
ITEM: Seen hanging on the wall of a pub in Yarmouth, a banner that read ‘Book Now for Christmas’.
I am so hoping that this was just an example of somebody being too lazy to take down last year’s advertising and not an early grab for the 2014 festive trade.
ITEM: I continue to be amused at the comedic effects of cutting off words, and in fact am now finding examples of this on the television as well as the internet.
I wonder how may viewers were disappointed to discover that ‘Classical Ho…’ was a documentary series featuring the UK’s stately houses.
For the pedants, that’s not the actual cut-off/programme, which I can’t recall, but it does capture the spirit of the thing.
ITEM: The other day on Facebook somebody linked to a post in which a billionaire was comparing the ‘plight’ of the super-rich to that of Jews during the Holocaust.
Or maybe not, as I didn’t click on the link to get the full story – I’m only interested in feeling sorry for myself and those like me, not the super-rich.
I did however wonder if that nice Mr Spielberg could make a film about this dreadful situation – Schindler’s Rich List in which billionaires are removed from their natural habitats and forcibly relocated to a one star hotel without room service, where a brave desk clerk helps to mitigate their terrible plight by smuggling in care packages of champagne and caviar, and showing them how to operate the bottle opener.
Alternatively, some people really have lost touch completely with reality.
ITEM: And, talking of which, I see that Iain Duncan Doughnut’s latest jape is to compare his efforts at ‘reforming’ the welfare system to the abolition of the slave trade, no doubt after hearing the box office success/critical acclaim lavished on 12 Years A Slave discussed over the canapes at a dinner party in South Kensington.
In classical Marxist dialectic, as I recall slavery is replaced by serfdom, so that’s all right then.
I sometimes wonder if IDS is in fact a Soviet sleeper agent, his mission to make the plight of the proletariat so intolerable that eventually they must rise up against their masters.
Which, as theories go, is as sensible and credible as anything devised by IDS himself.
ITEM: Just one month in and, as ever, my attempts to stick with my New Year resolutions are floundering.
I have, within certain parameters, kept my pledge to not start a new book until I’ve finished the one that I’m reading and to have one day a week when I don’t turn on my computer (I can however use the computers at a library).
On the other hand, my resolution not to buy any chocolate this year (buy, you will note, not eat) fell at the first hurdle – apparently it’s unacceptable to expect other people to buy treats for the evening on the grounds that you can’t break a New Year resolution.
The biggest failing has come with my pledge to only buy a new DVD when I’ve watched two of the ones I’ve already bought. At the moment it’ll take a week of sitting in front of the TV full time for my viewing to catch up with my buying.
I may need to reboot 2014, and it just so happens that…
ITEM: Happy Chinese New Year to all my readers.
Today marks the beginning of the Year of the Horse, which is particularly dear to me as it is the sign under which I was born. I am a horse.
I shall mark the occasion tonight by watching a Kylie DVD while consuming a family size packet of crisps and drinking cheap beer.
Tomorrow night, perhaps more appositely, I will attempt to watch the four and a half hour Red Cliff.
And, as further proof of the effectiveness of their marketing algorithms, when I click on that link Amazon is also offering its family members 20% off deliveries of nappies.