Extracts From A Teenage Diary Part 4

I like my new room on the top floor. It’s not as nice as my old room, but at least I’m away from the rest of them and won’t have to put up with all the noise father and that woman make when they’re doing it. The idea of them in bed together makes me feel sick. I don’t want to even think about it.

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My life has been nothing but misery since the poison dwarf moved in with us. She’s always on my case. She starts nagging the minute I get in from school and carries on until I go to bed, then starts again the next morning. Nag, nag, nag. Do this, do that, do the other. It never stops. I’ve even begun to hear her voice in my sleep. She’s always writing lists of things I’m supposed to do, and it all has to be done right there and then, nothing can wait. Father’s business is doing badly and we’ve had to let the servants go, so everyone’s expected to pitch in, but it’s always me who bears the brunt of it. Why should I be treated like a skivvy in my own home? Why can’t the poison dwarf and her daughters do the housework? She says they go out to work, but they’re only receptionists, it’s not like a real job, just sitting on their bums all day and talking to people. It’s all they’re good for. If they worked harder they might lose some weight and look less like a trio of barrage balloons. And if I don’t do whatever she wants the poison dwarf goes running to father telling him all sorts of stories, how I’m insolent and disobedient. Father always takes her part; he never listens to anything I say. Whatever I do I’m in the wrong. I hate him. I hate them all.

The worst of it though is Eunice and Hortense, the gruesome twosome. They’ve decided to be my friends and follow me about everywhere. They’re too stupid to realise I loathe them. They keep trying to give me advice about clothes and make-up, which is absurd as they’ve absolutely no fashion sense at all and couldn’t use cosmetics properly if their lives depended on it. I’d rather be dead than look like them. Eunice thinks I’m anorexic and need to be fattened up, which is a real laugh as if ever there was someone who’d benefit from anorexia it’s her. Hortense wants to know if I’ve got a boyfriend. How am I supposed to meet boys with two beached whales in tow? It’s so embarrassing. None of my friends want to see me any more. Celia calls us The Little and Large Show and says I’ll get just as big and ugly as them. Celia’s a bitch, but what if she’s right? What if I turn into a blimp and nobody likes me any more? I can’t stand it. I’d run away if I had somewhere to go.

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