Thoughts for a Tuesday #4

ITEM: Just as pride traditionally comes before a fall, so disappointment all too often follows excitement.

Case in point, the other day when I read a news headline that said ‘Cameron under fire’, only to then discover that it didn’t involve the use of live ammunition.

ITEM: Sunday evening was all about my friends. I read a book given to me as a birthday present by The Imaginary Girlfriend (those of a nervous disposition may wish to avoid this blog for the rest of the week as at some point I’m going to be writing about the Fifty Shades thing). I watched a DVD loaned to me by another friend, ate smelly cheese and drank red wine gifted by a third (albeit, I did buy my own biscuits to go with the cheese and wine – I’m not a total freeloader, yet).

Reflecting on this, I felt an affinity with my writing hero Henry Miller, who at one point in his life was destitute and reliant on ‘care parcels’ from grateful readers because (a) his books were considered too controversial to publish in the US and (b) although published and a bestseller in France, De Gaulle wouldn’t allow currency out of the country.

Admittedly my sense of affinity didn’t extend to either destitution or being a bestseller in France, but the thought was there all the same.

ITEM: I’ve had another splendiferous idea for an anthology, and as I have no intention of doing anything about it I shall post the idea here so that the rest of you can seize it – just be sure to send me a cheque when you bank your first million off the back of my genius.

There are many cases of authors sharing a name. For example, there are two Nicholas Royles, two Conrad Williams, two Gary McMahons. There’s even another Peter Tennant, though I believe he’s dead, so not strictly relevant. It occurred to me that it would be a wonderful thing to have an anthology of stories written by authors and their doppelgangers, or even to track down a gaggle of people with the same name, including civilians, and get them all to write a story – twenty five stories by Stephen King, but none of them that Stephen King.

If nothing else, it would make reviewing a challenge.

Somebody do it, please.

ITEM: The random collision of search engine terms continues to amuse me. Last week I caught ‘Florida sinkhole’ right next to ‘Jennifer Lawrence without makeup’. I’ve nothing against Ms Lawrence, but the juxtaposition did make I laugh.

Little things.

ITEM: Three advantages of being a straight guy and having a close friend who is a lesbian:-

(1) You don’t have to fret about rejection. It really is her, not you.

(2) She’ll have a substantial collection of DVDs with hot girl on girl sex scenes, and will gladly lend them to you if you make all the right noises about positive gay characters.

(3) You can have guilt free conversations about whether the Spice Girls or Girls Aloud would make the better guests if you were holding an orgy.

ITEM: Last week I was reading an article about how researchers interviewed 2000 office workers and found that two fifths of them felt under stress and half worked at least ten hours without pay every week.

That seems like an awful lot of man hours being given to business for nothing, the equivalent of 300+ jobs for every 2000 workers, and if it’s something that’s going on across the whole workforce then the high level of unemployment starts to make sense.

I think we’re overdue a return to the days of the bloody minded shop steward and everybody downing tools and walking out whenever the workers are being taken advantage of.

However, to return to an earlier item, getting back there may require the use of live ammunition.

ITEM: In the realm of human sexuality it seems that there are names for everything, and everything has a name. No peccadillo goes unlabelled, as with my recent discovery of the term ‘sapiosexual’, which means:-

One who finds intelligence the most sexually attractive feature; behaviour of becoming attracted to or aroused by intelligence and its use.

Just my bad luck that every woman I’ve seriously fancied over the last ten years appears to have been that way inclined.


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