ITEM: Double standards are not a male prerogative, as witness the lady friend of mine who pointed out that her jeans were so loose they were in danger of falling down because she had lost so much weight, and after making the standard obligatory remarks about how excited I was by the prospect of her jeans falling down (my female friends expect this from me), I pointed out that my jeans were also constantly in need of being hauled up. Her response – ‘That’s cause your belly has got so big it’s pushing them down.’
On the subject of losing weight, today I purchased a feta cheese salad from Mr Morrisons emporium of foodstuffs and ate it for my lunch. After that I didn’t feel quite so bad about the 150gm bag of crisps and the two chocolate bars. Life is a matter of balancing things out.
ITEM: Language constantly changes, evolves. Words like ‘gay’ and, on occasion, ‘wicked’ have different connotations now to when I first heard them as a child. And today I discovered that the word ‘tough’ has acquired a new meaning, as witness its use by Sam Laidlaw, chief executive of energy giant Centrica, who said, “2011 was a tough year, both for Centrica and our customers.” Customers had to contend with price rises of 18% for gas and 16% for electricity, while poor old Centrica muddled by on profits of £2.4bn.
Yep, tough. Definitely not the meaning I grew up with.
ITEM: At the weekend I finally got around to watching the Baywatch DVD I picked up cheap a while back, and I enjoyed every single moment of it, a real wallow in nostalgia. Later in the evening I was rhapsodising to a friend who is of the opinion that I only fancy ugly women, and her response was ‘Yeah, but you like the tall one with no boobs who looks like a man.’
That would be actress Alexandra Paul, and I’m sorry, but I’m really, really not seeing it.
ITEM: The odious Iain Duncan Smith has been writing in The Daily Mail in defence of the government’s idiotic workfare scheme. He tries to reach out to the common man by characterising the scheme’s opponents as ‘intellectual snobs’ and sneering lefties, but then loses the plot completely by dissing The X-Factor. Ah, those the gods wish to destroy…
One can almost admire the perfidy of politicians. First they gave all our money to the banks, then they put a price on education, and now they want our young people to work free for hugely profitable corporations. All that’s needed is for somebody to figure out a way to make money from dead bodies and the cradle to grave circle of exploitation will be complete.
And staying with the tediously dull subject of politics for the moment, it occurred to me today, that the only occasion Cameron has been ahead in the polls since taking power was at the time of the much hyped showdown with Merkozy, as nothing seems to go down quite so well with the home counties as a Prime Minister who stands up to Johnny Foreigner. Now if I was Argentinian, for the moment I really would STFU about the Falklands.
ITEM: ‘Lucy Liu bondage’ continues to bring surfers to this isolated corner of the web in their droves. I googled the term the other day, and discovered that Trumpetville was at the very top of the first page of search results. Other terms that have brought people here include ‘what exactly does the azabache charm do’ (something I’ve always wondered myself), ‘hot mobile phone porn for older phones’ and ‘showing my knickers to the boys’.
I have no idea why anyone would be searching any of those terms, but given a disappointingly prurient frame of mind, I’d really, really like to know.