My Life Online…

…has been somewhat fraught today.

At times it’s felt like my internet connection was going in reverse, with pages taking forever to load (they really should replace that hour glass with another hand holding up a finger, only reversed) and my email accounts acting strange. It’s not just me either – I tried to log on in the library this morning, and after waiting eleven minutes for my yahoo page to load I just gave up. Perhaps Norfolk has been on the receiving end of unwelcome sunspot activity, or Bill Gates has issued a fatwah against the county.

Either way, as I have observed before, there are times when free porn just isn’t worth all the hassle.

And, as so often when I feel obliged to post something but don’t have the time or energy to write anything new, you get to sample one of my crappy old stories.

This was previously published somewhere or other under the title “A Pleasing Discovery”, but I can’t remember where and aren’t fussed enough to check. Amazingly it was written at a time when “The X-Factor” was nothing more than a doodle in the back of Simon Cowell’s cheque book.




            A trade delegation from Earth was touring a medical facility on the planet Malapor.

            In a building approximately the size of a football stadium they found several Malaporians crouched in front of a giant video screen. The lobster like aliens were watching what appeared to be TV programmes from the late twentieth century Earth. The members of the delegation, who had begun to feel distinctly inferior to their scientifically advanced hosts, were immensely pleased by this discovery.

            ‘Tell me,’ asked the leader of the Earth party, puffing his chest out with pride, ‘are these Malaporian scholars studying our history and culture?’

            ‘Certainly not,’ answered their guide, clacking his mandibles in amusement at such an idea. ‘These are violent criminals undergoing a course of aversion therapy.’

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