ITEM: It’s a Bank Holiday Monday in the UK.
Q: How does this effect me?
A: I’m not sure if the chip shop will be open or not.
ITEM: Last night I was watching an Andre Rieu DVD, and he said that the greatest singer ever to appear on stage had died, and suddenly I was choking on my salad, horrified that Bruce Springsteen had passed away and nobody had told me. But then he said it was Luciano Pavarotti.
It’s sometimes a shock to discover that there are people out there with different value systems to your own.
ITEM: My credit card statement was dated the 25th of April and arrived on the 4th of May, with payment due date of the 13th. I sent the cheque by first class post on the same day, and it cleared on the 17th, which I guess means my next statement will include interest and a late payment fee, and yet it’s difficult to see what I could have done differently. I don’t mind paying if it’s my fault, but here it was either down to late delivery by the post office or slow processing by the credit card company, and that is niggling me.
I am girding up my loins for a fight. They can have the fee, but it’s going to cost them time and effort.
ITEM: I have devised a new weight gain strategy. I leave things in the fridge until the ‘Use By’ date is reached, and then play the ‘waste not, want not’ card to scoff three ordinary helpings in one sitting.
Of course, I’m not supposed to be gaining weight.
ITEM: Yesterday, for reasons we needn’t go into, I looked up the notes I made at the time on Heinlein’s novel The Star Beast which I read back in the 70s, and was horrified to discover the beast in question was ‘a four ton, virtually indestructible octoped called Lummox’.
Horrified because in my back catalogue there’s a story about an immense alien creature referred to as Lummox. My creature took its name from the cruel nickname given to a woman I once worked with, and resembled The Blob with the additional frill that it propelled itself forward through expelling air (i.e. farts) to glide at high speed on a surface of viscous liquid it excreted through its pores. All the same, at such moments you have to wonder how much everything you read effects everything you write and if we’re all at some time or another inadvertent plagiarists.
Heinlein’s novel was, more or less, ET without the cuteness. In my story there’s misdirection to convince the reader the alien is being used to assassinate a wealthy and powerful man, but in fact it’s ‘the best kissagram ever’.
Do people have kissagrams any more?
ITEM: If you live in the UK and are interested in the future of our NHS then click on this link here. No, it’s not crucial information about when and where the revolution begins, complete with secret decoder ring and handshake, just another online petition to sign.