ITEM: Miss P was on the phone to a theatre box office and they asked for her initial, so going all phonetic she said, ‘P for Peter’. A couple of days later the letter turned up addressed to ‘Miss Peter Smith’.
Well, I thought it was funny.
ITEM: For purposes of this item, we shall regard my computer and myself as an old gay married couple, though in reality we’re not quite that close and I’m not actually gay. So what happens when the partners in such a relationship start to hate each other and divorce simply isn’t an option?
Every day I have lurid fantasies of taking a ball-peen hammer to the computer and burying the pieces in the back garden. I can always tell the neighbours that he ran away to Silicon Valley with a Packard Bell from Bermondsey.
ITEM: I’ve seen lots of stuff on the internet suggesting that we should all vote against the ‘alternative vote’ amendment on the 5th of May, simply because it would wipe the smile off the face of that smug git Clegg. It’s tempting, but let’s not forget that Dave and his cronies are against ‘av’, and anything that gang oppose has got to be good for all those who don’t have trust funds or work in investment banks, which is most of us.
ITEM: Yesterday I sent out the PDFs of the Case Notes section of Black Static.
First up, Douglas Thompson pointed out that there actually is such a thing as ‘duck tape’, so my laughter at his typo was in fact at my own expense. The ignominy, and it appears Horatio, that there are more phrases in the English language than are listed in the CED. I mean, ‘duck tape’, it sounds so stupid and wrong.
Next Tim Lees pointed out that I’d used the name ‘Calgary’, when I actually meant ‘Calvary’, which is even more mortifying, in that I have a Religious Education ‘A’ level and know perfectly well that you know who was crucified at Calvary. It does however, should I ever decide to explore the possibility, provide the bare bones of a story that will have Alfred Jarry spinning in his groove.
And then today I receive a missive via facebook from an annoyed writer spelling out chapter and verse on why I am totally crap as a reviewer.
So, that all went well then.