ITEM: Late last night while lying in bed and on the phone discussing the latest bargains on the shopping channel with Ms P I heard two bangs outside, over in the direction of the social club, and then shortly after that three more. This morning I woke up fully expecting to find my little village mentioned on the news and police going door to door, plus all the paraphernalia of crime scene investigation just up the road, but alas, nothing of the sort in evidence. Somebody letting off fireworks then.
It seems that post the great TV turn off, I am missing CSI, Law & Order, Silent Witness et al, more than I thought.
ITEM: Early this morning while browsing on Amazon, I came across a review which described the female star of a vampire movie as not only extremely good looking but ‘even more irresistible’ because she couldn’t speak. Anyone want to go there?
Nope, me neither.
And if I don’t post here again for a few months, you’ll know that at some point in a moment of madness I expressed roughly similar sentiments to The Imaginary Girlfriend, and will be staying in hospital until the doctors figure out a safe procedure to remove the hard drive from my soft palette, which is about the only response such idiocy deserves.
ITEM: I have this afternoon removed at least four buckets’ worth of weeds from my sad excuse for a garden. I have also watered the Christmas and Easter cactus, which is the only piece of non-edible vegetation allowed inside the house, and it looks like it might actually bloom in time for Easter. Does this mean that I can now call myself a gardener?
As an aside, some people are fond of gardening (yes, I know that’s hard to believe, but trust me). Contrarily, my ideal garden would be a window box which somebody then concreted over. I’m fond of reading and listening to music and watching DVDs, stuff like that. I have this feeling that people who don’t read are, well, not quite human; some sub-species who’ve dropped down out of the trees and learned to walk upright, but haven’t quite mastered a vital, human defining activity.
By and large I keep this opinion to myself, and wouldn’t dream of inflicting it on my ‘non-reading/gardening friends’. Different strokes and all that. And yet they have no reservations about expressing their opinion that a couple of dandelions sprouting on my front lawn is a sign a) that I am a lazy beggar with no standards and b) of the impending end of civilisation.
ITEM: Last week I discovered that Norton won’t allow me to read this blog on a library computer, as it has too many banned words, which is a bit sickening as I’ve been trying hard to avoid using ‘banned’ words and have no idea what they could have been.
I’m laying blame at the door of whoever has commented here recently, so Littlewood and Theaker behave yourselves 🙂