ITEM: I knew it was a mistake to write about Christopher Fowler’s story “Piano Man”. Ever since I’ve had the words of the Billy Joel song running through my head, and as a fanatical Springsteenista I hate it when my psyche gets clogged up with the lyrics of lesser entities.
ITEM: The internet is reinforcing my self-delusions of being irresistible to women, even those who could take their pick of Hollywood A-list men. Over the last two days I’ve received emails from Salma Hayek and Beyonce Knowles. All it needs is for Kylie to get in contact and my happiness will be complete, though admittedly it does feel somewhat demeaning when these global superstars are reduced to spamming people with information about their diet plans and weight loss supplements.
ITEM: Over the last couple of days I’ve been thinking about something Mark Twain wrote in Life on the Mississippi. With tongue somewhat firmly stuck in his cheek, Twain blamed Sir Walter Scott for the American Civil War. Apparently Ivanhoe was a huge hit with the ruling classes back in the days before the war, and so when the time came to sit down round a table and hammer out a compromise they started blathering on about their honour and went to war instead.
In a similar manner, I’m pretty sure that Britain’s current crop of movers and shakers all watched Wall Street at an impressionable age, and were just too damned stupid to grasp that Gecko was the bad guy.
ITEM: Yesterday, I received my gas and electricity bills. Obviously I’ve had the heating on more over the winter months, and so I’ve run up a debit of £80 for gas, but with electricity I have a credit of £90. Now to you and I the solution to this dilemma might seem obvious, but as far as the power company are concerned the £90 credit gets carried forward to the next bill, while they’ll increase my monthly payment to take care of the £80 debit. This is, I believe, called a win-win situation, if you’re a power company, but something else entirely if you’re a consumer.
I knew I should never have signed up with Cthulhu Energy Systems – the contract in blood was a dead giveaway for anyone not quite so desperate to save money. They have tentacles in many pies, even want to take care of my phone for me, and this is just the tip of the iceberg as far as their business practices are concerned. Someday the truth about them will get out and the world will recoil in horror, but as they control the electricity supply when anyone tries to make people aware of what’s happening all they need to do is c